Book 7- "The Vile Village" by Lemony Snicket

This book was extremely frustrating. The Baudelaires can't find anyone else to watch them, so they are taken to a pilot program of a village taking care of children (after the saying "It takes a village to raise a child"). First of all, where are all the parents' friends? Are they really all dead too? What the heck?

The village is the Village of Fowl Devotees (Oh I forgot to mention in the 5th book, V.F.D. is a secret code that the Baudelaires learned about. However they know nothing about it so they signed up for the village called "V.F.D."Anyway.) because they are obsessed with the crows that roost in their town. EVERYWHERE. The elders in this village have a million rules, including no mechanical tools, no books that talk about breaking any of the rules, and most importantly do NOT hurt a crow. The punishment for breaking a rule is being burnt at the stake. Even though the village signed up for the program, none of the elders wanted to house or feed the children. So they are sent to live with Hector the handyman, who just happens to have all the banned tools and books behind his house. His problem is that he is too skittish around the Elders to speak up to them ever.

When the Baudelaires go to Hector's house, he shows them something that he found by the tree outside his house. It is a couplet, written by Isadora Quagmire! The Baudelaires are convinced that they are in the village, and want to find them. They are in charge of all the chores in the village, so they work with Hector. On their first day, they find out the Elders have kidnapped Count Olaf. Which was SUPER shocking.

However, when they go to the courtroom they see that it is not Count Olaf but another man who happens to look like him and have the same tattoo. His name is Jacques Snicket, and he knew the Baudelaires' parents. They wanted to hear from Jacques, but find out the next morning that he was murdered. The detective for the case was guess who? OLAF. He says that the children were the ones who killed "Olaf", which means they were going to be burned at the stake. They are put in prison, because Hector won't stand up for them against the Elders.

The children somehow figure out that the bread and water they have will act as a sponge and help break down the brick on the wall. They work all night on it, and break out using their bench just before they are supposed to be burned. While they are talking about the poems that they had found from Isadora, they realize the Quagmire triplets are hidden in the new fountain in town. They break them out, and find Hector finishing up his invention. It is a self sustaining hot air balloon. Duncan and Isadora begin climbing, but before the Baudelaires can climb up the rope ladder Esme (who was disguised as the new chief of police) shoots the ladder with a harpoon gun. The Baudelaires fall and run away.

This book is super frustrating because they can't catch a break. Nobody stands up for them, they are just pushed around, and they find their friends AGAIN to have them leave. This time they left with a nice (but spineless) man. So it is a lot of the same as the other books, but for some reason it really bugged me this time.

Book 6- "The Ersatz Elevator" by Lemony Snicket

Out of all the books (possibly in the whole series, but definitely so far), I think this one had the most  shocking plot twist in it.

They get sent to some friends of their parents, although "friends" is a strong word. Jerome, the husband, wanted to adopt the children immediately. But Esme, the wife, is such a slave to what is "in" and what is "out" that she wouldn't entertain the idea until orphans were considered "in". (There's a lot of talk of in and out for the next few books, hold tight.) Fortunately that happened right about the time they were kicked out of boarding school, despite being exonerated from the accusations by Vice Principal Nero. They learn that Jerome is very kind, but kind of spineless because he doesn't like to argue. He allows Esme to determine what he will wear, where they will live (a 71 bedroom penthouse!), where they go to eat, all based on her crazy ideas of what is in and what is out. She is planning to have an auction of "In" things, and GUESS WHO THE AUCTIONEER IS. Olaf. How did he find them again? Then it gets really mysterious when he leaves their penthouse and the doorman is told that they aren't allowed to go back to their apartment until he leave the building. But he doesn't leave it for days. Where could he have gone? (Oh, and the penthouse is on the 66th floor but the elevators are "out" so they were taken out). Klaus realizes there is one more elevator door on the penthouse floor than anywhere else. So they push the button and realize it is just an empty shaft. And the shock of their lives happens when they realize that at the bottom of the shaft are their friends Duncan and Isadora. They were put there in a cage. Violet discovers that they can use welding tools to melt the bars. (How does she do that?) While they are heating up the tools and climbing down with a rope made of neck ties, extension cords, and rope, the Quagmires are taken away from their cage.

Now, here is the part that shocked me the first time I read it. They climb BACK up the rope and tell Esme what they discovered. She talks to them and tells them it will be ok. She is uncharacteristically kind, but it all comes to a head when she opens the phantom elevator doors and pushes them down the shaft. Luckily, someone installed a net halfway down. Turns out Esme was working with Olaf the whole time. They knew each other way back when, and she wanted to help take the children's fortune. When she leaves, Sunny climbs up the elevator shaft using her teeth (yeah that's realistic) and gets the rope. They are able to climb down and find out they are in a passageway. Here is the second shocking plot twist. When the passageway comes to a head, they find a trap door. The trap door leads to THEIR OWN HOUSE.  I had forgotten about that when I was reading it this time, so it caught me off guard.

Somehow they make it to the auction and Count Olaf barely escapes. Again. Jerome won't take them because he doesn't want to argue. So he clearly isn't that good of a guardian if he won't even stand up for them. But this one had enough twists and turns to keep me entertained.

Book 5- "The Austere Academy" by Lemony Snicket

This one was one of my favorites. Not only is "austere" a word I can use more often than a lot of the words I've learned from this book, but there is SO much to hate and love here!

Vice Principal Nero (pictured on the cover) is one of the most irritating people I've ever met (read). In many ways he shadows Count Olaf, but in a non-murderous sort of way. He is arrogant, cruel to the students at his school, and severely underestimates the Baudelaires. When they arrive, he tells them that they cannot live in the dormitories because they didn't have a guardian sign their permission slip. Because they don't have a guardian... but that doesn't matter. So they are sent off to live in the nicknamed "Orphan Shack". It has crabs, mold, and awful wallpaper. If they are late for meals (which are served at breakfasttime, lunchtime and dinnertime), they don't get any cups for their drinks. If they enter the office building, they don't get silverware. And since Sunny is too young for any of the classes, she is employed as Principal Nero's secretary. Which is as ridiculous as it sounds. So she doesn't get silverware for any of her meals. Now, as the parent of a toddler I know she will be just fine.

The part of the book that I love is that they make friends finally! They meet two triplets (the third died in a fire), who just so happen to also be orphans, named Duncan and Isadora. They are the heirs to the Quagmire sapphire fortune. Duncan wants to be a reporter, and Isadora a poet. They both have notebooks that they carry around to take notes in. The Baudelaires trust them and tell them about their troubles. Just then, a new gym teacher shows up. Yep, Olaf. He has the children start running laps all. night. long. For about 10 nights straight. The children are exhausted, but Vice Principal Nero won't do anything about it. They finally have to pass a comprehensive exam (and make their own staples, in Sunny's case) or fail out. Luckily for them, their gym teacher will take them in if they get kicked out. Ohhhhh dear. Duncan and Isadora offer to go in their place, using Violet's hair ribbon and Klaus' glasses. They bring a bag of flour along for Sunny. The Baudelaires are able to prepare all night, and pass their tests. Just as they think everything is going well for once, Coach Genghis (Olaf) shows up announcing that they cheated by having someone else run in their place. They see his accomplices (who were well hidden this time, so I can't blame them for not seeing it) loading Duncan and Isadora into a car, and they chase them just for Olaf and his henchmen to escape. It is so hard for the children to realize they lost the first friends they have made in a long time. Luckily Mr. Poe was there, right? (eye roll)

Book 4- "The Miserable Mill" by Lemony Snicket

This is the fourth book in the series, and not quite as exciting as the first 3. First of all, why would Mr. Poe allow someone who was in charge of a lumber mill take care of 2 teenagers and an infant? The adoption/foster system during the time and in the place of the Baudelaires really leaves something to be desired.

The children are put right to work, and don't notice anything suspicious about anyone around them. Which is really too bad. If they were more aware of what the accomplices of Count Olaf looked like then they could have devised a plan. But as it were, they let him push Klaus to the ground twice, breaking his glasses. When he came back, he was a totally different person. They eventually found out that he was hypnotized by the optometrist, who had a brand new receptionist named "Shirley". Yep, Olaf. They don't realize until it's too late that the foreman is one of Olaf's accomplices, as Olaf and his workers are trying to pin crimes on the children to get them kicked out of the mill. The only person who is really nice to them is one of the owners of the mill, Charles. One night, Charles is nearly killed when Klaus is hypnotized. The children manage to escape (with Klaus un-hypnotized), but Dr. Orwell falls in front of the saw and dies.

I'm assuming that by this book the reader knows that Olaf is going to show up, which kind of takes the suspense out of the one big plot twist from the book. It isn't my favorite, because there isn't anything that makes my heart pound or gasp in my head.

Book 3- "The Wide Window" by Lemony Snicket

This book seemed to be longer than the first two, and again Snicket talked about Aunt Josephine's death very early on in the book. It isn't even foreshadowing, because he says things like "Josephine isn't dead... yet". I'm paraphrasing, but you know what I mean.

Aunt Josephine was their third guardian, and I don't know where the inept Mr. Poe keeps finding these people because she was awful. She seemed nice enough, but she was NOT a good person to take care of three children. Being scared of everything, being obsessed with grammar to the point that she focuses on nothing else, and most importantly being willing to give the children up to Captain Sham (AKA Count Olaf again) to save herself doesn't bode well. I'm pretty sure they only lived with her for about 3 days total before she faked her death, and then actually died when Captain Sham pushed her into the lake with the leeches. But I wasn't that sad to see her go, honestly.

But I am sad that the Baudelaires had to leave another place and go to another home. Partially because of crazy Aunt Josephine, but also partly in part to dumb Mr. Poe. He literally sits there and talks to Count Olaf time after time and has the dumbest reasons to not believe the children. It never stops irritating me.

Book 2- "The Reptile Room" by Lemony Snicket

This book is better to read than the first. My favorite part is that the children can actually be happy once in a while. Uncle Monty (or Dr. Montgomery Montgomery) seems like a nice but scatterbrained man. Personally, I would find studying reptiles to be super interesting. But I know Brandon would die. So only one of us would like being in the reptile room.

The way Lemony Snicket writes this book, you find out that Monty dies very soon after it begins. Which is a bummer. BUT, as this is the first time Olaf pops into their lives in a disguise it is a shock. After a while you learn to see the signs. But the children are horrified to find out that Olaf is now Monty's assistant, and don't have a chance to tell him before he is killed. One of my favorite parts of the book is when Sunny releases the Incredibly Deadly Viper (which is a "misnomer", another word I picked up from the books) and pretends like it is about to eat her in order to distract the adults.

One of the biggest paradoxes of the book (I don't know if I'm using that correctly) is that while Mr. Poe is incredibly inept, he also accidentally saves their lives. When he gets into the car accident with Count Olaf and the children, he doesn't even realize that he saved them from being taken to Peru with Olaf to never be found again.

So Book 2 is in many places much less depressing than Book 1, but in other places so so much worse. They had a shot at a normal life with a loving guardian!

Book 1- "The Bad Beginning" by Lemony Snicket

As you may know, they have a "Series of Unfortunate Events" Netflix series that just came out. We just watched the entire first season (hopefully the second season comes out soon), which covers the first 4 books. It stuck PRETTY well to the book series. So I decided to reread the books, since it's probably been 15 years since I've read some of them.

The first episode of the series (2 episodes per book), much like the first book, is incredibly depressing. Obviously. by the title. But you keep watching and reading to make sure the orphans triumph over their awful circumstances.

The three protagonists are Violet, a 14 year old girl with a knack for inventing, Klaus, a 12 year old boy who is incredibly bright due to his reading, and Sunny, a baby who has incredibly sharp teeth and likes to bite things.

The Baudelaire orphans find out that their parents died in a fire that destroyed their house, and they were to live with a distant relative named Count Olaf. Turns out he's an awful person who just wants the enormous fortune that Violet will inherit when she turns 18. He is an actor who has a band of actors that follow him in his dastardly deeds. He is cruel, abusive, and nobody seems to believe him. He concocts a giant plan to steal the fortune by marrying Violet in a play, but the Baudelaires figure it out at the last second. 

This counts for a "Book written by an author with a pseudonym" in my 2017 Reading Challenge. I love how Lemony Snicket writes his books, because it is not only entertaining but unique. (AND, Patrick Warburton does an awesome job as him in the Netflix series.) He defines many of the big words he uses, which is actually how I learned many words like "austere" and "ersatz" (two of the titles of books have these words in them). So his style was a way for me to improve my vocabulary.

Everyone should read these!