April 2020 Book Club book- "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul Kalinithi

Wow. This book was just. WOW.

Brandon actually requested this book a while ago, so I was surprised when someone suggested it and we already had it on the shelves. It's the story of a man that is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer during his residency. He was working in neurosurgery, and was interested in the brain from a philosophical as well as medical perspective.

Paul was newly married when he was diagnosed, and they hadn't even begun to start a family when this diagnosis came. They knew he had a death sentence, so they weren't sure if they should have a baby. Ultimately they did, and it was hard to prepare for a new life coming into a family while preparing for the end of his own.

Paul learned a lot about life and death during his residency. His first death was a mother who had premature twins that died during the first night of their lives. He struggled to make sense of it, but it was not his only experience. As a neurosurgeon, your hands are the difference between someone recovering and being paralyzed or dying during surgery. Needing to tell a family that their family member died at your hands is a devastating event. One of the doctors he was in residency with committed suicide years later.

Paul ultimately died before finishing this book, which means his wife wrote the epilogue. I cried so much through that. His sweet baby was not even a year old when he died, and she seemed so sweet.

So, what would you do when you are faced with your own immortality? Would you feel like you had done enough? Paul seemed like he was on track to change the world. It seems so unfair that his life was cut so short!

If I knew I had a year left (or 2, he died 22 months after his diagnosis), I would just spend it all with my family. I would make sure I got to see every single person I loved, and as much as I'd like to say I'd want to travel I think I would just focus on the memories I'd make at home. Because my kids are young enough that I would want them to just remember me as I am at home. I'm grateful I have more than 2 years left, so when I think of this book it renews my desire to do better!