"A Child Called 'It'" by Dave Pelzer

I had heard about this book a long time ago, maybe in college. It is the first of 3 short books (I'm not sure how long, but only 153 pages on the eBook I had) about a man's childhood, and how he survived it.

His childhood had the most horrific abuse. For whatever reason (maybe it will be discussed further in the next 2 books), his mother decided that he was not worthy of human affection. From the age of 4 on he was abused and degraded. He had brothers and they were treated well, but he took the brunt of her abuse. She would make him wash the dishes every night, usually without dinner, gave him horrible punishments like being locked in a non ventilated bathroom with ammonia and Clorox mixed in a bucket, made him vomit anything he ate at school and then eat it, etc etc etc. It was hard to read. At school, teachers and the other kids thought he was just a "bad kid" because he would steal food, smelled terrible, wore old clothes, and didn't do well in school. At one point his mom didn't feed him for 10 days straight. Finally, someone spoke up. They KNEW things were not as they appeared, and called the police. (This was in the first part of the book, before it went back to his earlier years. You don't see him get taken out of his home during this book.) He was 12 at this point, which means he endured all of this during such a tender age.

It seems mind boggling that someone wouldn't have called the police earlier. Someone DID call Child Services, but the mom caught a whiff of it and treated him well for the 3 days before they came, so when the social worker asked if he was treated well he would answer yes. When he said she punished him when he was bad she beat him when the woman left.

As a mother, I don't understand how you can turn your back on a child like that. Child abuse is the most abhorrent thing I can imagine. Even his own brothers started to see him as a "bad kid", and would rat him out. And the DAD. The dad is almost as infuriating as the mom because he just stood by and didn't do anything! How can you watch your kid get beaten, starved, even stabbed at one point, and do... nothing? Wouldn't it be better to call CPS on your own wife than let him endure anything else?

I am intrigued to finish the books, just to see how he survives this. It ends with him saying the Lord's Prayer, and when he said "Deliver us from evil" I got actual goosebumps. This man has a spirit like nothing else I can imagine. 

"The War that Saved my Life" by Kimberly Brudbaker Bradley

My family decided to read this together, and I was excited that for once I finished the book before we met!

Ada is a girl born with a club foot that has been abused by her mother her whole life. Right now it's WWII in London, but Ada doesn't know that because she is kept locked away from society. She crawls for most of her life, because it's less painful than putting weight on that bad foot. But she begins to walk, which is good for her because her younger brother is about to be sent to the country to avoid bombs being dropped on them and she wants to go with him. Her mom says she will never leave this house, even if there are bombs falling on them. But Ada can walk well enough that she escapes with Jamie (her brother). An older boy gives her a piggy back ride to the train that they are boarding. When they get to the countryside, Ada and Jamie are the last people to be picked. In fact, they aren't even picked. The woman in charge of the refugee children hunts down a woman named Susan to watch after them. Initially, she says she doesn't know what to do with children. But she turns it around and they learn a lot together. Ada gets stronger at walking, and begins riding Susan's horse named Butter. Then she makes friends with the daughter of the woman that brought her to Susan. She is a wealthy little girl, and has a lot of horses.

Whenever Susan does something nice for Ada and Jamie, Ada pulls away. She can't let herself get too comfortable, because this won't be permanent and soon she'll be sent back home and treated like less than human. Susan takes the kids to a pediatrician, and they find out that Ada can have surgery to make her club foot more manageable. It will never be totally fixed, but they can make it so she can walk much more easily. She just needs permission from her mother. They then have a big Christmas dinner with some of the soldiers from the air base nearby.

One day, someone comes and digs a bomb shelter for them. They need to put up blackout sheets in the house, and begin to stock up the bomb shelter. Ada sees a man row a boat to the shore and put a briefcase in the sand. Then he pushes the boat away and begins walking to town. She goes to tell the police, and they find the man and arrest him when they see that the hem of his pants are wet.
The Germans begin bombing the coast, and Ada has a panic attack when she needs to go to into the bomb shelter. It reminds her of the cupboard her mom made her go into when she misbehaved. Susan makes the bomb shelter more livable with herbs and candles to make it feel more homey.
One day, Ada comes home to find her mom at Susan's house. her mother takes her home without listening to Ada's protests, and throws away her new shoes and clothes. She tells Ada she can't use the toilet anymore, and that she will never leave her room again.
Her mom leaves, and they hear the bomb raid sirens. Her mom didn't give her any directions on what to do when a bomb raid happens, so she takes Jamie and leaves. They make it to a bomb shelter, but not before a bomb hits nearby. When they emerge from the rubble, they find Susan running toward them. She had realized that she wanted the kids to live with her, and takes them. When they make it back to the coast, they find out a bomb had fallen directly on her house. The air raid sirens hadn't gone off, so if Susan hadn't come to find the children she would have died. Thus, they had saved each other's lives.
THOUGHTS
I had never thought of someone being grateful for the destruction of WWII. Especially when it came to children- children's stories in regards to WWII are heartbreaking. But there may have been people in Europe that were in a bad situation, and the disruption was what they needed.
In Europe back then, people hid their children that had disabilities. It was a source of shame. It is just sad that she didn't need to be disabled, because even back then they had a corrective surgery.

"Educated" by Tara Westover

I have heard about this book for years. When I finally requested it on audiobook, the wait list was about 6 months long. I was so glad to finally get it! And HOLY COW it did not disappoint.

Tara was the youngest girl in a family of doomsday preppers. They went to an LDS church in Southeastern Idaho, but her dad was beyond fundamentalist. The first part of the book talked about the time that her dad read about the dangers of too much milk. He then took it upon himself to tell everyone in their ward that milk was bad for them and they shouldn't purchase any more dairy products. He even told this to a dairy farmer in their ward!

Throughout Tara's childhood, her dad became more paranoid. He began ranting about the Illuminati, and began cutting off his family from the outside world. When the Ruby Ridge siege happened, her dad went nuts. He began buying guns and ammunition by the crateful, and made his family prep food all summer to be ready for the winter. He even began making a bunker for the end of the world. He talked about how they would be ready for the Apocalypse, and wouldn't let the government get them like they had gotten the Weaver family.

They refused to send the children to public school, because the schools were brainwashing children into following the Illuminati. They also didn't take their children to see doctors or vaccinate them, because they thought that doctors were brainwashed into following the Illuminati. Some of Tara's older brothers go to college, and she decides that she wants to go. The only problem is that she doesn't even have a high school diploma. But she does well enough on the ACT to get accepted to BYU. When she first meets her roommates, she is shocked that they wear tank tops and pants with words across the butt. She is even more shocked when they talk about going to church in the morning. She doesn't understand things like hygiene (she doesn't wash her hands after going to the bathroom or shower often), washing dishes, or cleaning up after herself in general. She moves across campus after that first semester, and meets new roommates and tries to rebrand herself.

When she goes home, she has some awful encounters with her family. Her older brother, "Sean", is a horribly abusive person. He broke her wrist at one point. Since she is a girl, nobody will take her side over his. They think she needs to just be more submissive and listen to him, or it wouldn't happen. Every time she comes home, her brother and dad try to beat the "worldliness" out of her. There are also some accidents in the junk yard her dad owns. One brother is badly burned when his gasoline-soaked jeans catch on fire, Sean suffers multiple falls that should have killed him, and each time they call Tara back to tell her to say goodbye. But this family KEEPS PULLING THROUGH. How on Earth...

While at BYU, she begins thinking about graduate school. She has a great team of supportive professors, that help her get into Cambridge for a graduate program. Getting a passport proves to be difficult, but she does it. She also finally gets vaccinated. Meanwhile, her dad has a horrible accident where his face is burned beyond recognition. Even her mom thinks he should go to the hospital, but he says he would rather die than go. So she treats him with essential oils, and again he recovers. I mean, really. So they take this as a sign that the oils are better than medicine, and begin running a cult-like business out of their house.

Tara finally confronts her family about Sean's abuse. He is married at this point, and locks his wife out of their trailer with no shoes on in the ice and snow. (I know how cold that must have been, after living in Idaho for years.) His wife had a baby early, who ALSO miraculously survives. She should have been brought to the hospital, but Tara's mom convinces her not to go. He needs to be on oxygen for a long time. Initially, Tara's sister agrees with her. She says that Sean abused her as well. But when she talks to her dad, her dad convinces her that Tara just has the power of Satan in her. Her sister cuts her off. Ultimately, the siblings who went to college and don't work for her dad believe her, but the siblings who are uneducated and have a stake in the essential oils business will have nothing to do with Tara. On the other hand, she became closer with her extended family now that she is no longer under the thumb of her parents. They never thought her parents were right, and were all too happy to see her. She said that to this day, she still goes to Idaho and reaches out to her mom before she goes. Her mom replies every time that since Tara will not see her dad she won't come meet Tara. Tara wants nothing to do with her dad, so that's that.

THOUGHTS

Wow, so many themes to dissect.

The first is the importance of education. Tara was lucky to get off the mountain, because her brain was just crying out for more. She didn't even realize it. But even though she wanted to go to college, she was so brainwashed by her parents. When she did a dance class, she thought all the other little girls were "little harlots" because they didn't cover their ankles and wore normal dance clothes. And the way she treated her first roommates shows that she thought there was a black and white to who was "righteous" and who was "wicked". The truth is so much more than that. People can wear tank tops and also go to church. And someone can go to church and still be an abusive person.

Sometimes the patriarchy in the Church can be problematic, if someone takes it to this extreme.  Yes, the men have the priesthood. But that does not make them "leaders" over women. Tara's family is an extreme example. However, they ultimately shun Tara for speaking out against her dad for covering up the abuse, and against Sean for being so horrible to her. Obviously Sean had some brain damage from his falls, but that does not excuse his behavior. Since she was willing to say it was wrong and not just take it, her dad tried to alienate her from the rest of her family. I was so relieved when "Richard", her brother that went on to get a doctorate from Purdue, believed her. At least she had ONE person on her side.

Third, the issue of religious fanaticism and paranoia in general. Her dad believed that he had the knowledge of when the end of the world would come, and that everyone else was just deluded. That is a very lonely existence for the children to just be thrust into. There are 2 winters in a row where the family is in an awful car accident on the drive back to Idaho from Arizona where they had been visiting grandparents. The dad insisted that they could drive all night, and both times they were all nearly killed. Especially since they didn't believe in seat belts. The mom got brain damage (I'm pretty sure) after the first one, because she had some major internal bleeding in the brain afterward. She had bruising under her eyes that lasted for MONTHS. You would think that would make her dad more willing to stop and think the next winter, but no. He not only made them leave in the night, but drove much faster than was safe. I have driven on the Idaho freeways in the winter at night, and it's no joke. I white knuckled at 15 MPH watching cars sliding off the road. But her dad said "We won't drive any faster than our guardian angels can fly". That is the remark of a crazy person. I believe in God and angels, but I don't think that He sends guardian angels to help people who are defying the laws of physics and safety.

This goes to show that people can rise out of their circumstances, with the desire to learn and the help of the right people who stick their necks out. Tara is obviously a very intelligent and curious woman (I can't believe she's only a few years older than me), and worked hard to make sure she got to where she needed to. And because she got an education, she was able to shake off the brainwashing of her childhood. She was also lucky to find such a great team of professors through all of her schooling.

This was eye opening and inspiring.

April 2020 Book Club book- "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul Kalinithi

Wow. This book was just. WOW.

Brandon actually requested this book a while ago, so I was surprised when someone suggested it and we already had it on the shelves. It's the story of a man that is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer during his residency. He was working in neurosurgery, and was interested in the brain from a philosophical as well as medical perspective.

Paul was newly married when he was diagnosed, and they hadn't even begun to start a family when this diagnosis came. They knew he had a death sentence, so they weren't sure if they should have a baby. Ultimately they did, and it was hard to prepare for a new life coming into a family while preparing for the end of his own.

Paul learned a lot about life and death during his residency. His first death was a mother who had premature twins that died during the first night of their lives. He struggled to make sense of it, but it was not his only experience. As a neurosurgeon, your hands are the difference between someone recovering and being paralyzed or dying during surgery. Needing to tell a family that their family member died at your hands is a devastating event. One of the doctors he was in residency with committed suicide years later.

Paul ultimately died before finishing this book, which means his wife wrote the epilogue. I cried so much through that. His sweet baby was not even a year old when he died, and she seemed so sweet.

So, what would you do when you are faced with your own immortality? Would you feel like you had done enough? Paul seemed like he was on track to change the world. It seems so unfair that his life was cut so short!

If I knew I had a year left (or 2, he died 22 months after his diagnosis), I would just spend it all with my family. I would make sure I got to see every single person I loved, and as much as I'd like to say I'd want to travel I think I would just focus on the memories I'd make at home. Because my kids are young enough that I would want them to just remember me as I am at home. I'm grateful I have more than 2 years left, so when I think of this book it renews my desire to do better!

"Big Little Lies" by Liane Moriarty

I've heard a lot about how good this book is, and the HBO series it is based on. So I started listening to it when I had some time to myself (which is hard during lockdown). I had no idea what it was based on, besides a group of kindergarten moms. Since I'll be joining that group next year, I thought why not?

It was FASCINATING. 

PLOT

It starts with a group of elementary age parents getting into a brawl at a school trivia night, and then you find out they are being interrogated for a murder. Throughout the story, you hear gossipy things that the moms are saying about what had happened to lead up to this point (which also helps eliminate which character is dead).

The book then goes back 6 months in time. The main characters are Jane, a single mom of Ziggy; Madeline, the mother of Chloe; Renata, the mother of Amabela (NOT Annabella); and Celeste, the mother of twins Josh and Max. Madeline and Jane meet because Madeline twisted her ankle getting in teenagers' faces for texting while driving. Jane was behind her and helped her when they found out they were going in the same direction. They drop their kids off and go get coffee. When the kids are leaving, Amabela starts crying and said someone attacked her as they were leaving. She then points out Ziggy. Renata flies off the handle and demands he apologize. But he said he didn't do it, and Jane defends him. This begins all the drama.

The next 6 months are told through different perspectives. You find out Celeste is tall, blonde, and beautiful, and seems to have the perfect life. Her husband, Perry, is also tall blonde and beautiful, and very wealthy. However, she keeps thinking about how long she has until she can leave him. It sounds odd, since they seem to love each other a lot.

Jane was only 19 when she got pregnant with Ziggy. It was a one night stand, and she says she doesn't know the name of his dad. When she tells Madeline this, Madeline tells Jane she has a child from a previous marriage. Abigail's dad split when she was a baby, and didn't come back into her life until she was 10. He's now remarried to a yoga vegan organic woman named Bonnie, and they have a daughter named Skye that is Chloe's age. Abigail is starting to listen to what Bonnie says, and wants to go vegan. Madeline is bothered that her ex husband (Nathan) lives in the same school boundaries as her, and that Abigail loves to be around him when he was an absent dad for the first 10 years of her life.

As time goes on, they find out that someone is still bullying Amabela at school. But she will not say who did it. Renata assumes that it is Ziggy again (even though Ziggy keeps saying "I don't want to talk about it" when Jane asks him), and her best friend Harper creates a petition to get Ziggy suspended.

There is also a book club that Madeline forms, which she calls an "Erotic Book Club" even though that isn't accurate. It's more to get the other moms wound up. You learn a little bit more about Jane, and that she worries that Ziggy might end up to be like his dad. It turns out she DOES know his name, which she tells to Madeline. She has also become better friends with Celeste, and tells her the story of her one night stand but doesn't say his name. It turns out the father, whose name is Saxon Banks, was an older man who charmed Jane in a bar and then took her to his hotel room. Once they got there, he turned horrible and abusive. He said awful things to her, and choked her. Once she found out she was pregnant, it was too late. Madeline Googled Saxon Banks, and found out he has 3 other children. When Madeline mentioned his name to Celeste, she found out he was Perry's cousin.

Perry, as it turns out, is not perfect. He is abusive. They have tried marriage counseling time and time again, but each time he says what he needs to say and then goes along his way. Celeste finally goes to see a domestic violence counselor, and Susan encourages her to find a new place for her and the children to go the next time it happens. Celeste drags her feet, but finally gets a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and begins to furnish it.

Madeline finds out that her daughter has been reading about the child marriages and is horrified. Abigail wants to do something about it, and says that she has an idea. Turns out the "idea" is a website auctioning off her virginity, the proceeds going to UNICEF. Madeline and Nathan are working toward shutting it down, and Madeline blames Nathan and Bonnie for not supervising Abigail well enough. Abigail finally decides to take the site down after a man named Larry Fitzgerald send her an email that says he will donate $100,000 to UNICEF if she takes it down.

There is an award ceremony before the trivia night, and when Perry asks about the petition (he works with Renata) and Celeste says "If you sign the petition Perry, I will leave you". They all laugh it off, but when they get home Perry slams her head into the wall.

The day of the trivia night brought about a lot of revelations. Jane and Ziggy are eating at a coffee shop when Ziggy suddenly says that he can't tell Jane who was bullying Amabela because he said he'd kill her. Jane is horrified, but asks if he can write it down so that way he can keep his promise and she can know. Ziggy writes down "Maks". Jane realizes it is one of Celeste's boys that has been psychopathic and attacking the girls in his class. Because now it isn't just Amabela. He also pushed Bonnie's little girl, Skye, down the stairs.
Celeste is getting ready for the trivia night. Josh comes and tells her that it is Max who has been bullying the girls in his class. Celeste knows she needs to get out. Perry picks up her phone, and it's the manager of the apartment Celeste has gotten. He discovers that she is going to leave him.

SO, things are heated at the Trivia night.

Madeline and Bonnie get into a fight because Madeline hates that they live so close. Celeste tells Renata that it was her boy that has been bullying Amabela and not Ziggy, and that she is so sorry and wants to make amends. Madeline works out that it was CELESTE, not Larry Fitzgerald, who donated $100,000 to UNICEF. Perry didn't know about it. When Jane comes out onto the balcony and sees Perry, she freezes. HE IS SAXON BANKS. (I actually gasped out loud when this was revealed.) When Celeste confronts him, Perry hits her. That is the first anyone sees of the violence that has been going on in their marriage. To everyone's shock, it is BONNIE who shoves Perry. Due to the rain, intoxication of the crowds (the drinks were improperly mixed), and the surprise of little calm Bonnie reacting so angrily, Perry loses his footing and falls off the balcony. The people who were around decided that they wouldn't say anything to the police about who did it.

Madeline and Jane both got hurt in the process, and Nathan came to visit Madeline in the hospital. He said that Bonnie had a difficult childhood with an abusive dad. She suffers from PTSD as a result of this, and he thinks this is why she attacked Perry that way. Ed (Madeline's current husband) doesn't know if he can go through with covering up the murder, and was about to go to the police department to give his statement when Celeste calls Madeline. She says that Bonnie came to see her and said she was going to confess. Madeline stops Ed from lying, and he is immensely relieved.

Perry's funeral is one that talks about what a wonderful husband and dad he was. People cry and talk about how they'll miss him. Madeline notices that Celeste doesn't cry.

The school year ends with Renata and Amabela about to move to London (her husband- and many other men- had an affair with the nanny). The children have become friends again, and the parents are working on it.

THOUGHTS

Ok, a lot to unpack here. There was a lot of language in the book, which explains why the show would be on HBO. There would be no other way to accurately represent it.

One thought I had was that you never really know what is going on behind closed doors. Celeste and Perry looked like they had the perfect marriage. Even I was wondering why she was talking about "when the boys graduate, then I'll leave him". But nobody should live their marriage in fear. Jane was judged because of a false accusation, and everything she did was scrutinized after that. They said she had an affair with one of the dads (turned out she started to date the man who ran the local coffee shop... that everyone thought was gay for some reason).

Another thought was how quickly gossip spreads. Madeline even set them up, by creating her "erotic book club". People were SCANDALIZED without knowing what was happening. Once they found out about the nanny having affairs with a bunch of the dads, all the moms had an opinion on whether it was Renata's fault for not watching her so closely. They weren't sure if the teacher was competent because the bullying went on in the classroom.

Bottom line- don't judge. Even though I know I'd be up in arms if someone attacked my child in a classroom, I would not allow a petition to suspend the accused to be formed.

February 2020 Book Club- "The Secret Keeper" by Kate Morton

I just got this book on Tuesday, and started it on Thursday. I wanted to make sure it was done in time for Book Club on Monday, because I heard there was a major plot twist. And HOLY COW was that right!

The premise of the book is- A 16 year old girl witnesses her mom commit a murder. She never speaks of it for 50 years. 50 years later, her mom is dying and the family comes together. She finds out there was a mystery woman named Vivien in her mother (Dorothy, or Dolly)'s life when they lived in London, and that things were not as they appeared. She decides to get to the bottom of the mystery surrounding this murder. 

The thing this made me think of is the fact that we think we know our parents from before they were married and had children, but we never really do. Laurel (the one who was 16 when the murder happened) learns that the woman she thought was her mother really had a whole past. She was a survivor of the Blitz in London, and was the only one who survived out of her whole family. She went to the seaside to start a new life, and met her husband and had children. But her kids never thought of anything beyond the happiness they had in their home. They didn't know the skeletons in their mother's closet.

Ok WOW. So much to unpack. Dolly went to London to follow her boyfriend Jimmy, and became a maid for a woman who lived alone in her enormous house. She becomes obsessed with a woman that she works with in the volunteer service, who lives across the street from them. She believes that they are best friends, and that she will inherit the estate from this woman. When Vivien says she doesn't know her, and the old woman dies without giving her anything, she blames Vivien. Dolly is convinced that she is having an affair (Vivien is married to a famous author), and tells Jimmy they should blackmail her.

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

Jimmy begins to fall in love with Vivien. while pulling away from Dolly because of her obsession and cruelty in wanting to destroy Vivien's life. Vivien finds out about the plan, and decides to give Jimmy an enormous check to 1) insult him enough to keep him away (saving him from her husband who happens to be abusive), and 2) let him run away with Dolly like he wants because she is starting to love him.

Dolly's blackmail photograph accidentally gets mailed to Vivien's house, and her husband opens it. He tells her he already killed Jimmy, and that Dolly is next. She makes it to the house Dolly is staying at, and tells Dolly what is happening and that she needs to run away and LEAVE. Right when she says that, a bomb falls on the house. You find out that it was actually Dolly who died, and that Vivien put her ring on Dolly's finger and took her place. It was her escape from the abusive life she had lead.

So Laurel didn't know who her mom was AT ALL until just before her mom died. The regret Laurel thought her mom had over the blackmail was actually over the fact that Dolly wouldn't have been in the house if Vivien hadn't come to talk to her.

So when Henry Jenkins (her abusive former husband) came to find her that day, she knew that she needed to kill him because he would not stop until she was dead. She had escaped him for 20 years.

"The Audacity of Hope" by Barack Obama

I have been alternating between serious and light books. This was a book I wanted to listen to, to understand Obama more. Even though he's out of office, he's still an interesting person to follow.
I liked reading about the man behind the office. He came from a difficult situation, and worked hard to become who he was. While I disagreed with most of his policies, reading about his life made me understand him more. One of the things I liked the most was reading about how he met Michelle. He was going to law school and got an internship for the summer. He only had 3 suits, that he had just bought. The lawyer he was working with was a strong, tall woman. When he asked her out, she said no. He eventually wore her down. She was a really good partner for him. As a parent, he worked hard to try to be there for his children. Even when he was a Senator, he flew home every weekend to spend time with his family.
I really appreciated his thoughts on faith. He grew up in a house that didn't have religion in it. But he decided to be baptized in a church as an adult. His mother, who was a skeptic her whole life, became afraid of what was ahead when she was dying of cancer.

As a person who did not vote for Obama (twice), I thoroughly enjoyed this book. This was written in 2006, before he had run for president. So I wonder what the book would be like if he had written it in 2017 instead of 2006.