Book 2- "How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

I reserved this a while ago, and while I know Cora can't verbally communicate yet (although she can get her opinions across...), this will come in handy. I even wrote down the main points, since I can't write in the library book like it wanted me to and I read it alone and couldn't role play like parts wanted me to.

1) Helping Children deal with their feelings:

- Acknowledge their feelings

- Instead of half listening, listen with full attention

- Instead of questions and advice, acknowledge with a word

- Instead of denying a feeling, give it a name

- Instead of explanations and logic, give the child his wishes in a fantasy
This was the section that I had the hardest time relating to. She was saying that when the child comes to you, instead of jumping in you should say "Oh!" or "You are feeling frustrated when---" etc. That sounds very stiff and silly to me. I'll have to see if it works.

2) Engaging Cooperation:

- Describe the situation

- Give information

- Say it with a word, not a paragraph

- Talk about your feelings, not the child's character or personality

- Write a note
This section was very logical and insightful. As a parent, we need to be very careful to not put the child on the defense when we want to approach an issue. That never helps anyone. And I think if you start writing notes from the get-go, it won't seem so awkward.

3) Alternatives to Punishment:

- Point out a way to be helpful

- Express strong disapproval without attacking their character

- Offer a choice

- Take action

- Allow the child to experience the consequences

I totally agree with not attacking a child's personality or character. Instead of saying "You are so scatterbrained!", you could say "I am very upset that you forgot your notebook again!" And I am all for allowing the child to experience the consequences, because I feel that is really the best way they will ultimately learn a lesson.

4) Problem Solving:

- Talk about the child's feelings and needs

- Talk about YOUR feelings and needs

- Brainstorm to find a mutually agreeable solution

- Write down all the ideas without ruling any out

- Decide which suggestions you like, don't like, and which ones you plan to follow through on

This is a great way to make sure both parties feel validated, and they come to an agreement that they both feel good about. But both parties need to be willing to compromise, otherwise it will never work out.

5) Encouraging Autonomy:

- Let children make choices

- Show respect for a child's struggle

- Don't ask too many questions

- Don't rush to answer their questions

- Encourage children to use sources outside the home

- Don't take away hope

- Let them have their own body

- Stay out of the minutiae of a child's life

- Don't talk about a child in front of them- no matter how young!

- Let a child answer for themselves

- Show respect for your child's eventual "readiness"

- Watch out for too many "no"s

I have been reading articles about why parents don't make their child hug people. And at first I thought that was stupid, but then I saw the wisdom behind it. While children should always be polite and kind, they should know that even at a young age they have a say over who touches them and who doesn't.

6) Praise:

Instead of using words like "good", "wonderful" or other generic praise words-

- Describe what you see

- Describe what you feel

- Sum up accomplishments in  a word

Some cautions:

- Make sure your praise is appropriate for age and ability

- Avoid the kind of praise that hints at past weaknesses or failures

- Be aware that excessive enthusiasm can interfere with a child's desire to accomplish for himself or herself.

- Be prepared for a lot of repetition of the same activity when you describe what a child is doing appreciatively.

I learned all those things in Child Development. If you tell a child that their painting is "great", they won't think you are actually paying attention. Instead, describe specific parts of the painting. Tell them that you appreciate the colors. That way they know you are really noticing it.

7) Freeing children from labels:

- Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself or herself

- Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently

- Let children overhear you say something positive about them

- Model the behavior you would like to see

- Be a storehouse for your child's special moments

- When your child behaves according to the old label, set your feelings and/or your expectations

 I like this chapter a lot. The author talks about how her oldest son, literally from the time he was born, was labeled as "stubborn". After a while, she realized that he was capable of being open-minded, he just didn't want to because he was just fulfilling his label. She even talked about how positive labels (my good girl, you're just the most mellow, etc.) can be stressful on a child. Working in Special Ed I really saw that. My students would come forward saying that they were dumb and there was no point, they were bad kids, etc. So while Cora's personality right now is a mellow one, she may not always have that personality. And I don't want to be the one that stresses her out about feeling like she needs to act a certain way, or to give up because she "just is that way".

Overall, I think there are some very valid points in this book. While I felt a little bit silly thinking of talking the way they said the parents spoke to their children, I can see how it polarizes the parents vs. children less. But I also appreciated that the authors said they slipped up and went back to their old ways from time to time. I really want to try this method, and I don't want to beat myself up too much if (when) I mess up.

Book 45 of 2015- O for a Thousand Nights to Sleep" by Lorilee Craker

So, I thought this was a professional's book that will be helpful in sleep training. I was excited that it came right now because ever since Daylight Savings (curse Benjamin Franklin for thinking it up) Cora has stopped sleeping through the night. I am about to LOSE MY MIND. I love her, but my nerves are a little more frayed at 4 AM when she's ready to play.

Anyway, this was not a book done by a professional. She is a mom speaking to a mom, but I actually really enjoyed that. She tells of some of the different things that happen with each month from birth to a year. While they weren't totally accurate to Cora's timeline (I mean, crawling at 5 months???), it was pretty informative. For example, I "get" to look forward to an outburst of independence at about 9 months. Woohoo, right? And in the next month Cora will start to figure out that the person she already laughs at in the mirror is herself. I am excited for a lot of these tiny changes, and can't wait to see more!

Book 37 of 2015- "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp, M.D.

So in an ironic twist, I checked this out 3 weeks or so ago "just in case". Cora was sleeping great, but I figured this would help us with the next baby.

Well, the last few weeks Cora has had a major sleep regression. My eyeballs are about to fall out. It has finally peaked in the last few days (I REALLY REALLY HOPE), in that she won't nap and wakes up every few hours at night. It's like when she was a newborn, except for the napping in the day part. So, this was good to refresh on.

Much of the book was about colicky babies, which fortunately Cora was not. But the majority of the book emphasized the Cuddle Cure, or the 5 S's: Swaddling, Side/Stomach, Shushing, Swinging, Sucking. If you do these in order and vigorously, it will help enable the baby's calming reflex.

Reading it, I realized that we might have transitioned Cora out of the swaddling too quickly. I never did well at it, because I was so afraid of breaking this teeny tiny baby that I never wrapped her super tightly and she was always able to break out within an hour or two. Perhaps that would help us. She wakes up in a frenzy, which is very unlike her. So perhaps something like a tight swaddle will help us again. She has already woken up twice tonight, so fingers crossed! If she wakes up again, I'm trying it.

(As a side note, they said increased head size can mean increased brain pressure. Soooo, I will keep that in the back of my mind for her next doctor's appointment when they measure her head again.)

Book 23 of 2015- "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, M.D.

This was a very interesting book, albeit somewhat dry and academic to read. The things that I learned from it that I can apply to Cora right now include the reason why some kids get so wound up at night (it's a natural body reaction to becoming fatigued, and the stress you feel is supposed to be a natural body evolutionary reaction from when hunters were on the run), that earlier is usually better for night time sleeping (sometimes as early as 5:30 in extreme cases!), follow the baby's natural "sleep rhythms", and no bottles of anything other than water at night if they must have something. I want to buy the book to re-read when Cora hits another stage, because I kind of skimmed over the toddler section since I didn't need to apply it to her for now.

The one thing I can't get on board with is crying it out. I know that is a controversial method for sleep training, but for me I can't stomach the idea. We are in a tiny apartment and to think of sitting there while Cora screams for 45 minutes makes me teary eyed. But luckily it probably won't have to come to that with her, because she is such a good sleeper right now. We will see what happens when future children are bad sleepers and I'm that much more tired. But for now, I will use his method of "gradual extinction", and just keep working on our nighttime routine. And hopefully will get her starting to go to bed earlier, since right now it is about 10-10:30 that she will finally fall asleep.

Book 11 of 2015- "Bringing up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman

This was a fantastic read. I have been looking for ways to help Cora sleep longer at night, and Alyse recommended it to me. There were many things that French parents do that I like. They start letting their children cry for a little bit at night from a very little age, and their children sleep through the night much earlier. They call it, "The Pause". I've been doing it with Cora, where when she starts crying I wait a few minutes before I get up with her. And you know what? A lot of times she does fall back asleep!

Another thing that I really liked is the fact that women in France aren't allowed to just let themselves go during pregnancy. I always had people tell me "Eat whatever you want, you're pregnant", or "It will all come off after you have her, it doesn't matter!" While I know a lot of my weight WAS from swelling, especially at the end, I could have been better with my diet. But if I lived in a place like France where they have the societal pressures to stay thin it might have helped my diet. They also expect women to get back into shape quickly.

They teach their children to wait from a young age, and that helps them learn to handle themselves more patiently. They don't have children's menus at restaurants, because they expect that their children will develop their palates and learn about each food that they try.

Even from a young age, they talk to their children and have confidence that they will be understood. I've started doing this, explaining to Cora when I am going to change her diaper (which I do before I feed her). And she doesn't cry while I am getting her stuff for diapers.

There were some things I didn't agree with (no nursing, you have to get back to work in a few months), I will be trying a lot of these methods out.

Book 2 of 2013- "The Holy Secret" by James L. Ferrell

We were given this book as a wedding gift, but I hadn't gotten around to reading it until now. To be honest, I wasn't sure how much I would enjoy it. I do like religious books, but only in certain moods.

I thought it was excellent. It taught about appreciating the scriptures, in addition to telling the story of a young lawyer who was struggling with some things in his life. It's a short book, only about 200 pages. So I don't have too much to say about it besides the fact that it was good, and taught a lot of ways to get more interested in the scriptures.

The preface of the book was the part that got me. It said that in the Church, we may say we love the scriptures and love the temple, but DO we? Our temples would be so much more full if we really LOVED to go there. Ouch. I'm going to be better!!!